heystasa: (Ryu)

Today, after a big day of uni, I went into the city to buy some Hitchcock DVDs from JB Hi-Fi. One of them was Rope, my favourite film from last semester, and a just all around amazing movie. Not so well known as some of his others, but so, so good.

So, just now, while going through my uni bag, I see the DVDs in there, and decide to take a closer look at the cases. I pull out Rope first. I smile. I look closely. I notice the weird font. I notice the picture of Jimmy Stewart. I have a bit of a giggle at how incredibly subtext-y the picture of David dying is. I notice the sticker in the top left hand corner with a picture of Alan Jones and informing me that he recommends this movie.

I explode into laughter.

Alan Jones. Has a recommends series.

And it wasn't just stuck to the plastic, either, it's on the case itself. I mea-- I don't even, like, why? What does Alan Jones have to do with anything? And, I mean, I never even hear anything about him except when he's said something crazy or incredibly offensive. It's a lovely picture of the man, but I honestly don't care about Alan Jones's taste in movies. This is the strangest marketing strategy.

Also, come to think of it, isn't Alan Jones massively homophobic? To the point where many people think he's rather in denial? Yet he's recommending a film that contains extremely obvious and unignorable homoerotic subtext that Hitch thought was so integral to the piece that he worked it in despite the restrictions of the hyper-conservative Hayes Code.

I'm sort of tossing up whether or not to remove the sticker. On the one hand, I want my Hitchcock all nice and sleak and unsullied, but on the other, the thing is hilarious.


I actually went to JB because I wanted both Rope and Vertigo, and I wasn't sure I'd get them both anywhere closer. I wanted Rope because I love it, and Vertigo because I'm so in love with Hitchcock in general right now, and I'm presenting and writing on it for Modes of Viewing this semester and want to watch it this weekend. Both star James Stewart, who is qucikly becoming a favourite actor of mine. But I'll talk about that another time. Possibly at length.

So, I went shopping for my two highly thought of, brilliant pieces of classical cinema, directed by one of the most famous, influential, brilliant directors in cinematic history. So sophisticated are my tastes! So impressed anyone seeing me with them must have been! However, Vertigo being on a 'buy 2 get 1 free!' shelf, I also left with Spiderman 3 and The Fast and the Furious.

I think that's much more impressive really.


Stella's Ridiculous Adventures in Giantwooliesland )



heystasa: (Default)
Father: So, what did you learn in school today?

Daughter: We learnt what makes the sky blue. [Father makes impressed sounds] We learnt where mountains come from. [more impressed sounds] Dad? Do you know where mountains come from?

Father: Yeah, ummm, mountains, that’s… uh…

Voice over: You never stop learning. Catholic education makes a world of dirrerence.*



YES, BECAUSE ONLY THE CATHOLICS LEARN ABOUT TECHTONIC PLATES AND LIGHT WAVES.

NO OTHER TYPES OF SCHOOLS COVER THIS INCREDIBLY BASIC AND MANDATORY PART OF THE NSW SCHOOLS SYLLABUS SORT OF AMAZINGLY COMPLEX STUFF AND IF THEY TRIED IT WOULD OBVIOUSLY BE INFERIOR

Quick, everyone, enrol your kids in Catholic school so that they can get this top-notch science schooling!

BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT 'CATHOLICISM' IS SYNONOMOUS WITH 'FIRM GRASP ON AND UNDERSTANDING OF SCIENCE AND REALITY'


Oh those catholics. They crack me up. ♥

-----------
*This typo has been pointed out to me, but I'm leaving it in there because the irony of a public schooled kid making such a silly spelling mistake while mocking private schools (or, well, their advertising, at least) for claiming they provide a better education is just too good.
heystasa: (Fran awake)
Ohmygod. Can't stop laughing.

Mum and Dad were in the loungeroom watching TV, and they left the glass door open rather than get up all the time to let the cats in and out. I'm sitting in the office at the computer, when I hear and partially see, "she's got a mouse there!" followed by them getting up to shoo Mishka outside.

I chipped in an "EWW!" 

Then Mum says, "Just watch that mouse, it might not be dead." There's more shuffling  about - I was told that Mum had a tissue and was going to pick the thing up once she was convinced of its passing from this mortal coil - then, "John, watch the mouse it might not be - UGGGGH, IT ISN'T DEAD!" 

Mum makes a couragous attempt at wrangling it, but then I hear a shrieking "IIIIEEEEEEEEHHH" as it moves towards her; a signal for Dad to take over.

I hear him moving quickly, then partially see him leaning over. Mum, her voice now coming from a completely different part of the room than before and making clear where her priorities stand, calls out, "Not with my slipper, John!"

Dad's still trying to catch or kill or shoo out the mouse in some way, and I see him bend down closer to where it must be. I then hear him say (very unmanishly), "WAAAAH! EEEERRWW!" as he jumps back and flails a bit.

I learn after the incident that the mouse didn't have much energy, the poor little thing, and that Dad had it trapped up against the TV cabinet. As it runs about, Dad follows it, having discarded the slipper due to Mum's disgusted insistance, continuing to make disgusted shivers and very unpleased noises. I continue to add ew ew ew!s from the office, while laughing at Dad's shrieks and Mum's slipper, and Mum and Dad desparately argue over what to do before it gets away, or, worse, touches their feet.

"I don't want to touch it, it's icky!" Dad whines, with all he valour of an Arthurian knight.

Then, the mouse makes a break for it. Dad darts after it as it heads towards the couch. It's going to go under it! We'd never get it if it got under the couch. So Dad dives, and, in a last, desparate attempt to stop it, brings his hand down on top of it.

Mum calls out to tell me he's killed it with his hand, and I add more hysterical (with laughter) ew ew ews. Dad, massively creeped out, throws the poor (possibly not even dead yet) mouse outside and goes to wash his hands.

He is now comforting himself in the pay TV room. Mum and her slippers were saved a very disgusting moment, and I will be carefully avoiding that spot in front of the couch for some time. The cats are, needless to say, in disgrace. Mum spoke very sternly to one of them a moment ago when it meowed asking her to let it in.

It was all so beautiful.

Really, considering the fact that I stumbled upon a baby brown snake down the hallway at 1am the other week they should have known better. I had to wake Dad up and he had to kill the thing in his undies while half asleep. Oddly, he was much happier almost nakedly facing a lethal snake that moved quickly and refused to die than he was a small injured mouse while fully clothed.



(Also, Hiii! I'm back from New Caledonia. Will talk about that later. This just seemed far, far more important.  XD *dies*)

heystasa: (Default)
My mother and I have stumbled upon what we consider to be the greatest calendar ever. The 2009 Daily Astrology Calendar 2009.

I would like very much to share with you, my dear colleagues, some of the wise words and scarily precise predictions this marvel of a desk calendar carries within (This selection of horoscopes has been taken from days all throughout the year, some I wrote down when we first found the calendar, and so I am not sure now which sign they below to. All of these are completely for real and written verbatim. Read out loud for extra lols).


3 February, Scorpio - Make sure you keep your back warm



Aquarius - You are joining a craft group for company



10 March, Pisces - You meet someone on RSVP on line take it slowly     
(As a Pisces myself, and a single one at that, I am very excited at this bit of news.)


10 March, Sagittarius - You forget to make your bed



10 March, Gemini - You get a senior card very happy with this


21 April, Scorpio - Money mainly earn what you need can inherit money


?? - Daughter will be picked for basketball team


30/31 May, Libra - Go to a T.V. studious and see steady ready cook


30/31 May, Sagittarius - Have to take cat to vet for yearly check up


30/31 May, Pisces - Find your daughter is allergic to soap powder


?? - New tank you bought is getting full


13 November, Aquarius - Problem with sore feet maybe wrong shoe sizes 
(This one's actually pretty zen, I reckon)


13 November, Leo - Interested in herbal medicine for home you have decided to do a coarse


?? - Problem with little toe get it seen to as soon as possible


?? - Get a cramp in legs when bushwalking



Wow, right?

As it is Christmas, the time for giving, my gift to you, dear flist, is the gift of the future. Comment with any days you want to know about next year, and for which signs, and I shall reply with the appropriate predictions. 

A nice little heathen gift on a major Christian holiday.



heystasa: (Default)
This gag should not be able to remain funny for a full two and half minutes. Really. It's like the silliest idea ever. But it is genius.




And this. Just... this.



Genius.
heystasa: (Default)

Heard in a Brand Power ad promoting Sorbent extra long toilet paper:

Now you can replace the toilet roll less often and have more time in your busy day!  :D

What an odd angle to take. How much time does changing loo roll dominate? Really?

"Oh blast, I've got to pick up the kids and finish off this report and we're out of milk and this faxing needs to be done by 5pm, but wait! Oh heavens! The loo paper needs to be changed immediantly! Immediantly, I say! The next person to use the toilet is never going to be able to work it out themselves while they're in there, I simply must get on it right now! Oh curse you toilet paper people, the length of your roll has just thrown everything out of whack."

Oh those crazy Brand Power ads.



Also, ANYONE IN OR AROUND SYDNEY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ELECTRONICS?

The lightbulb in the overhead light in the loungeroom has blown and I have no idea how to get at the damn thing. Why put such an impenetrable cover-thingy in a rental property, dammit.  At the moment it seems like I might have to wait until one of my parents is down, because there is no obvious solution to this thing. Which kinda sucks. I like to be able to see.

So, um, anyone know anything about light fixtures? Or anyone game enough to fiddle around and take responsibility for any damage? Anyone at all? ...Please? 


*crickets chirp*


 
heystasa: (Default)
It's a very silly thing to do, but hey, I had time & it's a bit of fun, and in the end it was LIKE IT READ MY SOUL.

 
Squee! )




Entirely unrelated, buy omifeckinggod Randy Newman is white? When did that happen? I was so sure I'd seen him before, and he wasn't white then. Was he?  O_o   Wtf, self? 


heystasa: (Fran awake)
 So I'm sitting here drinking strawberry milk (which is like alcohol, in a sense, if you're me and can get drunk on air) and half watching Black Books, and I just realised I have both feet crammed into one slipper. 

I own a great many slippers. Two in fact. The other one is under the table and I'm too cold to move and too busy cackling at everything to actually do anything.

Yesterday I made a bacon bone soup, which tastes ohmygodsoamazing, and have discovered that apparently it takes me about four hours more than it should to cook soup. This time it was because I forgot the dried soup mix for the first three hours of boiling. I thought it was strangely thin, then figured out why and had to wait another couple of hours until everything was actually cooked. And the really silly part is that this happened last time too. Along with many, many other ridiculous soup making incidents.

 



heystasa: (Default)

Hehe, my sister just texted me:

OMG MY UTES NAME IS SELMA!!
Jus thought of it lol...


and that's why I love her. And why I think I'm going to love her new ute (which, presumably, was previously owned by a lady named Selma).





heystasa: (Default)
Hmm, that's interesting. I notice that, in their special, 5000 episodes montage story, A Current Affair seem to have mysteriously ommitted every diet, plastic surgery, dodgy speed camera, neighbour feud, tennants from hell and celebrity puff story they've ever done.


I hate channel Nine.


***

Things I have learnt from the ACA montage:

1) Appartently, 80s and 90s politians were not actual puppets, as they are in my head.

 =>  

"Hee, those blokes look like the puppet PM!!!
... Whaddya mean it's the puppets who look like the blokes, the puppets were the ones having the debates and making the announcements! 
...That was on a comedy show, you say? Oh."

Ah, childhood and the utter ignorance of politics!


2) All molesters and rapists have bad teeth. Like, really.

Blink

Jan. 15th, 2008 12:10 pm
heystasa: (dreams)
Ohmygod. You'd think I'd know by now.

We have family visiting, and one of my cousins and I had to start talking about Dr Who. Because, well, that's what we do. And I made the mistake of bringing up Blink. You know, the frecking freaky one with the angels? The one that I screamed in? The one that resulted in me having to turn on my bedside light and look around in every direction every few minutes while trying to sleep because I kept thinking about it? That one.

Then our younger non-Who-fan cousin asked what was so scary about it, so I did the peaceful-hands-over-face pose then suddenly reverted to the fangs-out, claws-out, an-inch-from-her-face pose to demonstrate (which worked, she looked suitably terrified). 

After that I didn't give it a thought. Until last night. In the shower. At 2am. When there was no one around and nowhere for me to go. And the bathroom window was opposite me, all big and black and open, through which anything could see me without being seen themselves. And I kept getting the distinct impression that something was watching me from behind, even though that is totally impossible because there were only a few inches between me and the shower wall. So I had to look, and whenever my eyes were off the window, I half expected that when I faced it again there would be an angel frozen swooping down on me, mouth open, face distorted, claws grasping. And there'd be nowhere for me to go, because I was naked and dripping wet, and I'd never get out of the shower cube and the bathroom with out having to blink, I'd barely be able to move at all out of shear kzjsdgh TERROR.

But of course there was nothing. Because I ALWAYS FREAK MYSELF OUT BECAUSE I AM A WUSS AND SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO WATCH SCARY THINGS. You'd think I'd be over it by now, but I was fracking scared, man. 

Curse you Who.

Still, best episode ever, if I do say so myself.
heystasa: (Default)
You know, it's funny. The oldest and one of the most renowned universities in Australia, and navigating the website is roughly equivalent to trying to do cyrptic crosswords in Pali with a blunt pencil, while small buzzy insects are nibbling holes through the pages and a five year old playing at magician is tugging at the rug, making the table wobble and losing the place in your dictionary.

I.T.: the only field in which a degree with a Sydney Uni crest on it should not impress people.
heystasa: (Default)
So, I'm back in Sydney at the moment, and the day before yesterday I got lost. For two hours. I really did think I was getting the hang of the City and the suburbs surrounding the uni, but somehow I ended up at Darling Harbour from Glebe Point. I really don't know how I managed it. I was laughing the whole time and saying things like 'Oh my God I'm in Ultimo, what the hell hapened to Glebe?!', 'the Powerhouse Museum, what?! Where's Broadway?!', and 'If I get robbed I'm going to be so annoyed!' because I rather think that if I hadn't started laughing I would have started hypervenilating. My feet still hurt. No more shortcuts without a map.

Amazingly, the next day when I had to get to the NSW Lotteries headquarters at Olymipic Park, I didn't have any trouble at all. Thank God for public transport.

Today Mum arrived for a conference and I went to look at the hotel. She's staying at the Intercontinental, one of the swankier hotels in Sydney. I know this because it's right near Circular Quay and there's a bloke who opens the door of your car and offers to carry your bags (also, it's where George Bush stayed during APEC. I may not like the man, but by god does someone on his staff have fine taste in hotels). It is awesome. So I'm at the counter with Mum, happy as anything and giggling madly at how fabulous everything looks, and I turn around and the lads from Human Nature are standing over in the hallway. Needless to say, I cracked up. I am loving my trip to Sydney. 

Also, love the fact that I am able to have a holiday in the same place that I spent the entire year of Uni in.
 
heystasa: (Default)

The TV guide blurb about a film that is on SBS later tonight:

Severed: A synthetic hormone which promotes tree growth also turns humans into zombies.

...What?! 
How does that make any sense? 
Okay, so, I know the situations in horror/whatever films are not always exactly realistic, and the film itself might offer up some sort of more logical explaination, but still, a synthetic tree-growth hormone that turns humans into zombies. 
...What?! 

Grr

Jul. 30th, 2007 09:59 pm
heystasa: (Default)
...Why the hell is Big Brother still on? Okay, so, I'm used to reality shows going overtime, especially the final episode (as tonight is), but what I don't get here is that the TV guide has it scheduled to end at 9:15 (it is now 10:00), which is earlier then Torchwood - which is on next - would normally start anyway. Why would they give themselves 15 minutes less scheduled time, especially when they know they will go overtime anyway? 

Maybe it's a  typo in the TV guide, whatever, still, I don't like having to wait an extra hour to watch a show. And I rarely want to watch Big Brother for an extended period of time. Nothing's even happening. Just a lot of yelling and stuff. 

...Wait, it's ending! It can't be ending!  ..Who won?!

Damnit, I sat here for all that time and it just goes and ends. Ungrateful bastards.

And, on a totally unrelated note: I need to turn the heater down.
heystasa: (Default)
In a dignified, narrator-y voice:

"Before the dawn of time,

there was...

The Cube."

Oh dear god that cracked me up. The drama. The drama! 

So I just saw "Transformers" - which I had absolutely no interest in whatsoever but actually rather enjoyed - with some friends, and had to write that line somewhere before I forgot it. The opening line to the film, I was giggling so hard. The rest was rather good too, quite funny, but the fight scene at the end was a little too long for my taste, and the erratic camera made it a little difficult at times. But Shia LaBeouf really is quite a likeable hero.
I'm far too tired to be bothered writing a full-on review, but I just had to remember that line. It was gold.
Ma, sleepy time.

August 2012

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