heystasa: (Default)

From this month's Filmink:

"I've got a fancy suit and $20 Payless shoes." Sam Worthington keeps it real on the Oscars red carpet.

Payless shoes! On the red carpet! With all the wanky designer dresses and "who are you wearing?" stupiditiy!

I love this bloke. I can't even believe he keeps getting such big roles in all these massive Hollywood blockbusters; he's so bloody normal. And you can hear his accent in everything! It cracks me up. He's still such a brickie, it's like he's fooling everyone. Like he's the Steven Bradbury of acting or something.





heystasa: (IGNORE ME)
STELLA has just swallowed a whole strepsil by accident, and is in some discomfort with it lodged in her throat.

STELLA: Should I stick my fingers down my throat or something?

HIGHLY: No, eat some bread.

[STELLA looks at HIGHLY increduously]

HIGHLY: That's what you do when you swallow something by accident, you eat bread. Unless you swallow glass, then you eat cottonwool...

STELLA: Yes, thankyou, grandma Highly.

-----

And shut up those things are really easy to swallow.
heystasa: (dreams)

Lucy and her boyfriend are going to Thailand for a holiday next year.

Dad's advice to them: Just don't go into any clubs.

Mum: Why not?

Dad: Some mad terrorist said the other day there that Australia's gonna be the next target.

Mum: ... But not in Thailand.
heystasa: (batman)

"Ah, this stick is on fire!"


"Well, I'm sorry Wendy, but I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. "


"Fucking Windows 98!"


"Sing the fucking song!!"


"Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, so long as people don't say any naughty words."


"I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings
I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings
I'VE NEVER SEEN A MAN EAT SO MANY CHICKEN WINGS
I'VE NEVER SEEN A MAN EAT SO MANY CHICKEN WINGS
Waaaaaa-ooooooooooh
Waaaaaa-ooooooooooh
HEY"



Goddammit I love this movie.

heystasa: (Default)
Because I'm a sentimental old thing, I tend to not delete messages from my phone if I really like them. After three years, this has meant that my phone is constantly on the verge of full, which is really kinda annoying. So! In the name of me not constantly being greated by "1 new message/ Memory almost full", I'm going to move all the messages onto LJ for prosterity. I'll put the sentimental-only ones in a locked post, but here're some of the funnier ones (possibly not as funny to others, but whatevs).

Outbox

So apparently it's normal for rats to eat their own poo )

Inbox

From Lucy:

Awoo )

From Mum:

lk hoos ilirat now/ )


From Meg (my cousin):

'megtastic' is what inspired me to coin the term 'stelpendous' )

From my dear friend Matty:

What's with these homies dissing my girl? Why do they gotta front? )

Other:

+     Everything, that's what I am on about. And you aren't a mongoose.

Exchanges

Dear god u didnt  )


This post made the longest LJ spellcheck page I've ever had. Heh.
heystasa: (Default)
Father: So, what did you learn in school today?

Daughter: We learnt what makes the sky blue. [Father makes impressed sounds] We learnt where mountains come from. [more impressed sounds] Dad? Do you know where mountains come from?

Father: Yeah, ummm, mountains, that’s… uh…

Voice over: You never stop learning. Catholic education makes a world of dirrerence.*



YES, BECAUSE ONLY THE CATHOLICS LEARN ABOUT TECHTONIC PLATES AND LIGHT WAVES.

NO OTHER TYPES OF SCHOOLS COVER THIS INCREDIBLY BASIC AND MANDATORY PART OF THE NSW SCHOOLS SYLLABUS SORT OF AMAZINGLY COMPLEX STUFF AND IF THEY TRIED IT WOULD OBVIOUSLY BE INFERIOR

Quick, everyone, enrol your kids in Catholic school so that they can get this top-notch science schooling!

BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT 'CATHOLICISM' IS SYNONOMOUS WITH 'FIRM GRASP ON AND UNDERSTANDING OF SCIENCE AND REALITY'


Oh those catholics. They crack me up. ♥

-----------
*This typo has been pointed out to me, but I'm leaving it in there because the irony of a public schooled kid making such a silly spelling mistake while mocking private schools (or, well, their advertising, at least) for claiming they provide a better education is just too good.
heystasa: (Default)
STELLA:  It's hooooot.

LUCY:  Stop whinging.

STELLA:  I don't whinge.

LUCY:  What do you do then?

STELLA:  I make legitimate criticisms about the inadequacies of the world.

heystasa: (Default)
I'm out the back patting our old dog, Jack, who is notorious for licking people. Mum calls him "the fastest tongue in the west", and any time spent with him involves avoiding his constantly moving tongue. He finally gets me, so I go inside to wash my hands and lips.

Stella (laughing): Lucy, he got me on the mouth!

Lucy (cracking up, suddenly has an evil thought): Aww! He licks his balls with that tongue!

Stella: *SHRIEEEEKS & flails* OH MY GOD shut up!!!

Lucy (gleefully): And his bumhole!

Stella: EW EW EW I HAVE TO DISINFECT MY MOUTH!!!
heystasa: (Default)
Sing Eminem in her vacinity. Over and Over and Over Again

Me: Yeah boy, shake that thing!
Woops I mean girls,
girls girls girls,
girl you know you're my my world.
Alright now lose it!
Arh arh arh arh arh!
Just lose it
Arh arh arh arh arh!
Go crazy!
Arh arh arh arh arh!
Oh baby, oh baby baby

Lucy: Awwww, will you stop singing Eminem!

Me: I like Eminem, he's great. You know you love him.

Lucy: No I don't.

Me: Sure you do! I think I know what you love.

Lucy: I don't love Eminem.

Me: But he's so cool. He's the real Slim Shady. Yes, he's the real Shady.
All those other Slim Shadys are just im-a-t-ing.
Now won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
Please stand up,
please stand up.
Won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up
Please stand up

 Lucy: No-oo.

*A FEW MINUTES LATER*

Lucy: Just lose it,
Arh arh arh arh arh.
You suck.
 

heystasa: (Default)
"The catering corps, or the cooks, is another one I would disuade you from as they work like an absolute bastard and get paid fuck all and have bugger all time off."

- From an email from my cousin, who is in the Corps of Signals, advising my sister about job possibilites in the army.
heystasa: (Default)

At church on Christmas eve...

Father P: "And Joseph too went up from Galilee from the town of Nazareth to Judea, to the city of David that is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, to be enrolled with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child."

Me: Jeez, that's a bit rough. Pregnant before marrying the bloke, wouldn't think that was acceptable in those days, and from the
"Holy Family" no less --  
Wait. 
Oh.

Can you tell I only go once a year? 


.
heystasa: (Default)

Me, coming in from the bathroom:    "Aww, the house smells like mangoes! "   (after we had had mangoes earlier)

Mum:   "That's funny, because Lucy was just saying it smells like witchetty grubs."


--
Also, may it be entered onto the record that GODDAMN IT, CAT, I JUST LET YOU IN!!!

--
The other night we had a scheduled blackout at 10:30, Mum & I planned a night of games by candle light. At about 10:15 we were getting ready, with me occasionally chiming in with, "quick, woman! Only seven more minutes of light!". When we were ready, Mum raised her arms triumpantly, "We, are, PREPARED!" she declared.Right then, the lights went out.
She then proceded to beat me 2/3 in Cluedo. But I totally topped her in terms of dramatics. (Mum: "I accuse you, Mrs Peacock, of taking the lead pipe from wherever it was kept, and useing it to DROWN all the plants in the conservatory!"   Me: "I snapped!! It was those damn gazanias, they - just- wouldn't- flower!!" followed by wretched sobbing.)
~~~~


--
Am going Christmas shopping tomorrow. Have no idea what to get anyone. Damn them all, they just do it to spite me. 
Am going to buy self a flashy christmas badge. I loves Christmas.

.
 
heystasa: (Default)
In a dignified, narrator-y voice:

"Before the dawn of time,

there was...

The Cube."

Oh dear god that cracked me up. The drama. The drama! 

So I just saw "Transformers" - which I had absolutely no interest in whatsoever but actually rather enjoyed - with some friends, and had to write that line somewhere before I forgot it. The opening line to the film, I was giggling so hard. The rest was rather good too, quite funny, but the fight scene at the end was a little too long for my taste, and the erratic camera made it a little difficult at times. But Shia LaBeouf really is quite a likeable hero.
I'm far too tired to be bothered writing a full-on review, but I just had to remember that line. It was gold.
Ma, sleepy time.

August 2012

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