STELLA: Should I stick my fingers down my throat or something?
HIGHLY: No, eat some bread.
[STELLA looks at HIGHLY increduously]
HIGHLY: That's what you do when you swallow something by accident, you eat bread. Unless you swallow glass, then you eat cottonwool...
STELLA: Yes, thankyou, grandma Highly.
And shut up those things are really easy to swallow.
It is 10:50 on a Friday night. I am sitting happily on my couch, DVD on in the background, laptop on my lap, pizza in my belly. It's nice. Relaxing. I haven't a care in the world.
Kylee and Amy, however, are sitting on the dining room floor, surrounded in tools, rubbish, and bits and pieces of the filing cabinet they've been building for the last three hours.
(For those who haven't met them, I should say, they are both totally brilliant, but K and Amy are not the sort of people who, at a glance, make you think SCREWDRIVERS AND HEAVY LIFTING AND TECHINCAL EPTITUDE OMG.)
The fact that they keep descending into hysterics due to, for example, having no idea what they're doing, or, say, suddenly realising they've spent their entire evening assembling a (very small and unassuming) piece of bright red office furniture and they still don't have the drawers done and are slowly losing their will to live is not helping things go faster.
I could offer to help, but that would be no fun.
STELLA: How long have you been working on it now? Two hours?
AMY: *laughing* Yes.
KYLEE: I feel like I've been doing this my entire life.
KYLEE: AM I MEANT TO PUT TWO HOLES IN THIS?!
AMY: WHERE THE FUCK IS SCREW 6?!
KYLEE: I hate people! I hate people and things and stuff.
AMY: *laughing* I hate eeeverything.
KYLEE: And I hate you!
KYLEE: This was all my fault; I said it was a nice one. It looked nice in the sho-op!
KYLEE: Aha! This goes here!
AMY: Yes, but that still doesn't answer the question of what the fuck are these things and what the fuck are we supposed to do with them.
STELLA: How do you spell "filing"?
AMY: *looks at the bit they've done*
FILING CABINET: *CRASH*
Oh, oh, they're putting one of the drawers in! Last time they tried that the front fell off!
Eeeasy, eeeasy... OH MY GOD THEY'VE ACTUALLY DONE IT! They've successfully built a drawer! Only two more to go.
Oh, I am having such a lovely evening.